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the future freaks me out

April 10, 2011

as of late, i have been really scared about where my future might lead.

it all started with talking to my friend in my major and she was telling me all about her internships and steps she was taking to get a good job after she graduates. we also discussed our enormous amount of debt that both of us have accumulated. this got me thinking about how i’m not taking steps to start a career after i graduate. and then i started freaking out about finances. and then i didn’t know what i would do when i had to move out. from there it has just been a snowball effect.

hopelessness stems from doubt. and that is where i have found myself. i find myself doubting that God will provide for me. i find myself doubting that God has a future laid out for me. i can’t count the number of times i’ve been told to read jeremiah 29:11…”‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'” for some reason, i found myself doubting this verse as well. and all of these doubts led me to breakdown and allow satan to tell me that there is no point in hoping. i know it sound stupid, but until you feel it, you can’t understand what it feels like to be completely hopeless.

fortunately, i am blessed to have a Lord who is forgiving of my doubt, my hopelessness and my tendency to believe lies before i will hear truth. i am so thankful to have such a loving Father. and so grateful for friendships he has placed in my life to guide me to His word in times where doubt and hopelessness dominate my mind. my friend aaron reminded to read matthew 6:25-33 and immediately i thought “well i’ve read that so many times and it doesn’t apply to me now” sometimes i am so blind and deaf to what God wants me to see and hear. this time around, verse 33 stuck with me…”But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” God knows what i need and he will give me enough. I just need to learn how to seek him and seek living a life for the Lord before i seek worldly things that offer me nothing in comparison to what God can offer and God can provide.

for now, i want to cast my worries aside. God will take me where He wants me to go, i just need to be a willing follower. i would like to erase my doubts and now trust in the Lord fully and completely. i must bend my own will of selfish, worldly desires to become God’s will for my life. if i am faithful he will provide for me abundantly. Lord, i pray that you will instill this truth in my heart and mind.

as far as my future goes, i am learning that if i put my hope and trust in the Lord He will guide me. who is more capable of steering my life where it should go? psalm 25 is one of my favorite passages. and i frequently find encouragement in verses 4-5 ” Show me your ways, LORD,
teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Amen to that.

*enjoying listening to Chris Tomlin’s “I Will Follow” right now. totally applies to my life*

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