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an unwavering love.

June 2, 2012

it’s been quite some time since i’ve been able to find the time or motivation to write anything. school has been pretty busy, especially with graduation literally ONE WEEK away. i feel like my life is just being propelled forward into the somewhat unknown. it’s exciting, confusing and good. very good. i feel the need to really rely on God and trust him during this time because, honestly, i have no clue what else i should do. i’ve been presented with cool opportunities, and i’m having trouble discerning what course i should take. i am fully confident the Lord will bless me through whichever decision i make, but having that knowledge makes the decision even more difficult. basically, my very near future is currently completely void of definite plans. weird. 

so, my current solution to handling this stress? renting a chick flick. i know it’s not gonna help me make my decision, and it’s just one more way to avoid the situation, but i’m content with my decision at this moment in time. mostly because by doing so, it reminded me of the most amazing man in my life: Jesus. i can say that there are very few times, if any, that i’ve seen the Lord work in my heart through some sappy, romantic chick flick. but, lo and behold, it happened tonight while i was watching the vow. 

if you haven’t seen this movie, it’s about a husband and wife who get into a car accident and the woman loses her memory of the past five years. so when she awakens from her coma, she has no recollection of who her husband is or has any memory of their relationship/marriage. i won’t elaborate too much in case you want to watch it in the future. but, a little backstory on me and romance films-we have a love/hate relationship. i think a lot of women could say the same thing, simply because it strikes this chord in our hearts of how we should be pursued and loved by this perfect man. 

NEWS FLASH! that perfect man, that pursuit, and that love are very real…and better than we could imagine! they are all found in one man: Jesus. i’m so quick to forget this in my longing for the flesh. i brush Jesus aside in hopes of this perfect man swooping in and sweeping me off my feet. truthfully, i could rip on romance films all day and all night for giving me unrealistic expectations of what a husband should look like and how i should be loved. but at the end of the day, it’s really just my sinful heart that turns away from the perfect love gifted by the Father in favor of some twisted, worldly understanding of what love should be. 

this film was no different in terms of how it portrays love, and it still made me swoon and long for a husband to love me the way Leo loved Paige in this movie. but, you know what? i was actually able to attribute qualities within their marriage to my own relationship with Jesus.

the most prominent example was how Leo pursued Paige even when she was confused and lost in her own mind. she was afraid of him and was unsure of his love for her. she didn’t know him and she didn’t fully trust him to care for her and provide what she needed at the time. so instead, she turns to her family. a place that she knew and felt comfortable. as i’m typing this, i can think of plenty of instances where i’ve done the same thing in my relationship with the Lord. there are times when i turn away when i am scared, when i feel lost and confused. i turn to my comforts. i turn to what i know, and what i trust to make me feel better. 

in this time of confusion for Paige, at first Leo pursues her. he tries to get her to return to him and remember their life together. however, after some time, he backs off. in the film, it’s mostly him surrendering because he doesn’t know what else to do. however, for the purpose of my metaphor, i saw it as him giving her space to find him on her own, when she was ready.

let me be clear in saying i firmly believe that Jesus is always in pursuit of my heart and the hearts of every other human in creation. but, i do think that this pursuit can look different at different times or periods in our lives and relationship with the Lord. in my relationship with my God, there have been times when Christ has been obvious in his pursuit of my heart. i feel his love poured out for me and the knowledge of his love for me is great. but there have also been times where i’ve felt his love for me in the fact that i must seek him out and discover new qualities of his character. i am thankful for both of these times in my relationship with Jesus. i learn, i grow and ultimately i fall deeper and deeper in love with my Creator. 

and the greatest knowledge of God’s love for me? it never fails. it is constant. it is unending. it is merciful. it is forgiving. it is full. it is unwavering. it is life. i am the bride of Jesus Christ and no earthly marriage will outweigh that truth. i can watch as many sappy romance films as i want about love and marriage, but none of them can compare to the love and marriage we were created to experience with our God, Father, Creator. he is our bridegroom. and he will not leave us. ever. i can rest in that truth.

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